If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
