JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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