I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
