NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
