I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
