So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
