i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
