I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
