Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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