Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Come on in and take your pants off
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