Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
