I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
