She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
