WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
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