We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
