so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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