planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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