She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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