What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
