there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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