I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
