I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
