I looked at my own cervix.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
