ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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