Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Randomize
