I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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