Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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