I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
