Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
