my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
