there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
we're making bets on your personal life
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
