Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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