no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
