PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
