??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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