That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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