Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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