Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you didnt know i had herpes?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
