i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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