woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
