HIV tests are more positive than that guy
love makes seman taste better
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
