So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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