Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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