...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
He has the fingertips of a God
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
