ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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