He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
