I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Randomize
