she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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