getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
