you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
